Saturday, September 28, 2002

Since I've actually got computer (and Internet) access at the moment, it seemed like a good time to write something about it all, but I've been here over a week and a lot has gone on and I'm not even quite sure where to begin.

I love London; I love walking over the Waterloo Bridge every morning, glancing over my left and seeing Big Ben and Parliament off the distance, the London Eye closer to me. I love the names of the Underground lines: Piccadilly, Bakerloo, Victoria — they all seem so much more colorful and interesting than bland "Red Line" and "Green Line"s I travelled daily to work this summer.

I am taking things sort of slowly, making a point to branch out and see various touristy and famous attractions every week, but not blowing through them all at once because I'm here for a while and I want to enjoy living here instead of just visiting.

Having said that, if anybody has any suggestions/must-see's, etc. for London, let me know.

Supposedly, I'll have ethernet access in my room in a few days and then, the updates I hope will come more readily then, but I'm not making promises just yet. For now, I'm contenting myself with semi-daily visits to the computer labs, which mostly are filled with other Americans who, I guess, haven't quite adjusted to this limited computer access thing either.

Anyway, stay tuned.

[08:51 AM EST] [3]

Friday, September 13, 2002

I had a dream last night—I'd gone back to Penn to meet up with friends and see everyone before the semester ended. I was sprawled out on the floor of Michelle's spacious apartment (this is where you know it's a dream, of course) pondering whether I'd take the elevator downstairs for the all-you-can-eat buffet breakfast (this is where my dream intersects with some long-ago stay at the Embassy Suites) when suddenly it struck me: I needed to leave for London. Right then.

Actually, in my dream, it was six am and my flight wasn't until 12:30, meaning I had to be at the airport at 10:30. So I called my mom and had her FedEx my passport, which arrived, but I was forced to go to London with only the clothes I had taken for the weekend at Penn (which surprisingly, included a very full duffel bag—but I knew I hadn't reached my allotted two-suitcase maximum and I was upset about that).

I woke in a disturbed panic, realizing that it's not so far from the truth: I leave on Tuesday, when my 138 days of summer vacation—the longest I've ever had, and I'm sure it's in the running for the longest summers ever) finally come to an end.

I haven't packed a thing.

A month ago, I was full of "The summer has gone by so fast!" and "August already?" comments. The blurry weeks between finals, moving home and moving to Boston slipped by. The weeks working in Boston flew away. But time somehow decided to slow down—not just to its normal rate of sixty seconds a minute, but something even slower, to compensate, I guess for all those days I couldn't keep up.

Now, everybody has gone and left for school and I moved home again to wait out the end of the summer. People aren't busy with internships or work, but classes and homework. And I'm still sitting here, playing Rollercoaster Tycoon, watching marathons of Trading Spaces and hours of ESPN, even though it's September and by now there's not much hope to hold out for the Red Sox.

Oh summer, where have you gone?

[07:22 PM EST] [7]

Thursday, September 12, 2002

First: I'm sorry.

I didn't want to write about this, to have this be the first real thing I wrote in almost a month (well, wrote and posted that is; I do a lot of half-written forgotten writing that, for some reason, I don't really want to finish or share). Because it's all very cliched and I really, really don't want to be a contributor to that.

But then, you know, I also feel like at some point, I really should say something about something, and why not now?

So anyway.

It's been a year and I think I've finally caught my breath from everything. Mostly, anyway.

It's not that that day affected me so personally—I'm not a New Yorker, I didn't lose anybody, and I knew that being on the 18th floor of a high rise dorm in West Philly doesn't really make you a target to anybody except those who react violently towards bad architecture. But the time from early July through the fall was dotted with a difficult string of events: my father had his affair, Jon died, the cat was hit by a car, my dad announced he was moving out, September 11th.

It wasn't happening to me mostly; the people around me were more directly hit and I was left to just watch them wading through it. The fall was sort of a blur. I got lost somewhere in the endless cycle of classes, reporting and too-short weekends, and by the time Christmas had finally finished and New Year's rolled around, I wanted to wash away the entire year.

(I'm sure I wasn't alone on that.)

But now, it's been a while, and things feel better. Mostly, anyway. Nothing has changed really, nothing ever un-happens, which is still what I wish could happen.

But I'm the type who's willing to (idiocially, perhaps) believe that things actually are getting better and will somehow be for the best in the end. Anyway, I feel more whole now than I did a year ago. I don't know what's going to come in the next year, so I won't be stupid and predict I will feel even better a year from now, but it's what I hope will happen.

Anyway, I don't know. But now that I've said something, maybe I can change subjects now and write something I actually feel like talking about.

[04:31 PM EST] [reply?]

Thursday, September 5, 2002


My Dear Readers,

I apologize for my recent lack of writing. I've been busy doing nothing much and didn't feel like taking the time out to write about it, but I will sometime soon, I swear. (Kinda swear that is. No heart-crossing, hoping-to-die or needles being stuck into eyes just yet.)

But this weekend, I am going to Philadelphia to visit some friends and I will be very busy having lots of fun and won't write again until later probably.

Also, I leave for London in less than two weeks. Yayyayay!

I'm sure you're also very excited for me. But really, stick in there. I'll come up with something interesting to say very soon I hope. And maybe I'll actually write it down and show it to you too.

Love,

Caroline

[01:41 AM EST] [1]

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