When you're little and you watch the scantily clad masses on MTV's Spring Break, you see college kids blissfully drinking, hooking up and frying skin cells to cancer-producing rates. And you think, oh. That's what Spring Break is.

But there's a darker, much, much darker side of Spring Break that is never aired on tv. I don't think the censors would allow it. It's the Untold Spring Break, the one that nobody probably wants to hear about because, well. It's really fuckin' boring.

But this is it. This is the story of the hundreds of thousands of students who, for one week in March, flock back to the suburban safety of Long Island, New Jersey and (in this particular case) Plymouth, Massachussetts. For seven crazy (stir-crazy, that is) days, these wild coeds will sleep past one pm, to rise and go whop-ass on a bowl of Lucky Charms while watching the sixth episode of "A Makeover Story" in half as many hours.

They will not call their friends, because invariably, their friends will be busy doing nothing on their own, or (in this particular case) either doing far more interesting things at college, or doing far more interesting things at far away destinations like Europe, Mexico, or sketchy islands where the water probably isn't drinkable.

Instead, they will delight in doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Hours of solitare, daytime television and the occassional shopping trip to the mall (resulting in even greater credit card debt) will punctuate the hours spent sleeping.

Boring? Yes. Definately. But was it worth it?

There are so few times in your life when I figure you can really, truly do nothing. And I figure these being fleeting moments and all, maybe it's best not to try and cram them with stuff. There was no drunkness, there are no nights I can't recall and none I can but wish I couldn't, and maybe some year, I really ought to go off and live that world, but for now, well, I've got my MTV.