Ok, ok, I've been really terrible about updating. Whoops. Sorry. I'm sure you're all very curious about the goings-on of my life (OK, maybe not) but instead, because I can think of nothing more interesting to talk about, I'm going to tell you about three recent dreams. Maybe you can tell me what they mean, or figure out the goings-on of my life from them. I don't know.
Dream #1: I'm in a class with the professor who taught my screenwriting class senior year of college. This professor was the kind who at first seemed kind of funny, sort of like a wannabe Conan O'Brian, but quickly proved he was a total ass who enjoyed telling long stories that made class run way, way over its allotted time. Anyway. This professor, whose name I don't recall at ALL anymore, is teaching, except it's some kind of environmental studies class. And there's this rock that has blue paint on it, and everyone in the class must take this rock home for two weeks and carefully measurre the level of rainwater on the rock, like this rock is some kind of measuring stick. We have one of those composition books with the speckles on the front for logging this information, all color-coded and everything. But then my weeks with the rock are over, and I need to pass it on to the next person, when I realize I've lost the rock. I panic. I had been planning on making up my results anyway, except now I realize, nobody will believe my fake results if I say I've lost the rock I've been tracking dutifully every day.
But THEN, I realize that the whole point of this experiment was not to track the weather but an exercise in demonstrating the scientific method. Because all of our logs are completely useless: we've all been putting the rock wherever the hell we felt like it, not in the same place every day. And a lot of people have just been making up their results anyway. So it's all completely UN-scientific, and I feel very clever for figuring this out before anyone else.
When I wake up, I realize I'm annoyed, mostly because if my screenwriting professor DID teach a science class, that's probably the kind of stupid, time-wasting demonstration he'd do.
Dream #2: I don't remember how this dream started, only that it ended with a heated debate over whether or not Britney Spears is trashy. Somehow, the woman I was arguing with (not anyone from my life -- just a Generic Woman) was twisting things so that I was unpatriotic for calling Britney trashy. For some reason, this totally enraged me and I started hurling globs of gross mac and cheese at her face while screaming obscenities. I woke up when I actually screamed out loud words that I will not reproduce here, but just know it's a very strong insult and I have NO IDEA why I was so upset.
Dream #3: I am in a prison of some sort. There is another prisoner there who sort of resembles the Jolly Green Giant, except he is blue and not wearing a loin cloth, I think. I'm strangely attracted to him. I think we might have been superheroes, too. Anyway, we escape from this prison place and head off on the biggest plane I have ever seen. I allude my captors by using my superpowers to make myself appear very ugly, because in this dream, I am some kind of very beautiful semi-superhero. At the end of the movie, a very tall little girl dressed in a blue outfit that only vaguely resembles the object of my affection is arguing with the prison gaurds, trying to tell them that she is not the guy they are after. But as she says this, she is playing Four Square, and manages to bounce the ball incredibly high. The guards are so impressed with her athletic ability they do not believe her. The End.
*
So there you have it. I am crazy.
PS: I just re-read that part about the Jolly Green Giant without the loin cloth and realized it sounded bad. No, he was not naked. I don't remember what he was wearing, just that I don't recall it being a loin cloth!
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