I'm sure you've all been waiting with baited breath to see what adventures would next await me in the big city. Well, not much, aside from a huge amount of writer's block. And then, suddenly, I'm hit with a sudden urge to write, but it comes about 45 minutes before I'm meant to meet my roommate at the Astoria Beer Gardens.
(BEER! in a Garden! Wow. I can't miss that. And so, instead, I offer you this list.)
Neurotic Things I've Done While Unemployed
- Questioned an online Magic 8 Ball as if it were the Oracle at Delphi. "Will they call today?" "Cannot predict now."
- Lacking an actual 8-Ball in my possession, I've allowed the MTA to determine my fate like an 8-Ball. For example, if I am waiting for the V train and the V train comes, this is, of course, a Good Sign. I am bound to get that job, especially if it came just as I entered the station. (If the R train comes, I tell myself it doesn't mean no, it just means I don't definitely have the job.)
- Rewritten my resume a total number of 256 times, adding up to a grand total of 643 Minutes. I am not making this up. These are the real numbers, I checked.
- Alphabetized my buddy list, making sure to sneer at those who's away messages lead me to believe they've found employment. Bastards.
- Looked at the website of every single publishing company I could find in North America. Not very good.
- Played several thousand games of Spider Solitiare.
-Watched Maury Povich solve an insane number of disputed paternity cases.
- Gone "fantasy shopping" for my apartment, in which I do not actually purchase any of the items in my virtual shopping cart.
- Contemplated (very briefly) the merits of law school.
-Assembled cheap furniture consisting of a lot of particle board and poorly-made screws.
- Googled people from elementary school to see if they had jobs.
- Kicked myself about 50,000 times for not having taken at least one of the two job offers I actually had. What the hell was that? Turning shit DOWN? Without a job? Without any source of income? Who the hell did I think I was?
- Wondered who the hell I am.
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