I was going to write this somewhere else, but it seems like that's all I ever do these days. This site has become like the forgotten stuffed animal from my childhood that just sits on my bed, collecting dust and making me feel a little sad that I neglect it so much every time I see it, but not necessarily inspiring me to do anything about it.

So here I go:

I feel like I'm treading water a lot these days — granted, to abuse the metaphor: it's probably warm, Caribbean water but — it's a lot of effort keeping myself up.

I write myself long to-do lists several times a week. Sometimes I even slot out each hour: how it'll be spent, what needs to be accomplished by when, mapping out how it'll all get done. On a good day, I get about halfway through the list.

More often than not, it's the sleep that gives. And the school work, which might seem kind of ironic since I routinely write "student" on forms that ask my profession, but when there are other things that demand time, well, what I'm least interested in — currently one half of my courseload — is the first to go. Whoops. Sorry about that.

But then the other things start slipping here and there: I'm feeling uninspired and I don't know. I just. Don't. Know.

It's late March and beautiful out. I don't see my friends as often as I'd like, but I know they're there. I don't have a job for the summer yet and it's been a while since I've heard any news on that front, but I'm lining up back-up plans that I think could be ok. I'm still not sure exactly where things stand with significant others, but at the same time — it's good.

All I really fear is some big wave coming and washing away this equilibrium I've created for myself. I tell myself I'll just wait it out a few more weeks. Then summer will come, I'll find a new pond to keep from drowning in, but I think it'll be ok.

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