Actually, I wasn't all that different in my goals last year than I was the year before, which probably demonstrates that I didn't actually accomplish a whole lot in 2001. But oh well, let's look at these closer, shall we?

Straighten out relationships with the males of my life By this, in case you did not know, I meant my father. In that respet, I mostly failed, but I do not blame myself entirely for this failure. Despite the fact that he never called, never gave a hint of caring, never even bothered so much as to apologize, I was (am still, probably) the stupid niave girl that I am who has a tendancy to cling to tiny crumbs that get tossed my way. We spent an hour in counseling in March where I gave him the watered-down version of how much he sucked for not caring, for deciding somewhere along the way that since we were no longer adorable five year olds, we were, in fact, all doomed to be both moral and professional fuck-ups, and again, for not apologizing. I told him all he had to do was call, email—just once in a while, and I would appreciate it. He said would try; I felt better for having got things off my chest.

He followed up in grand form, by ignoring (well, forgetting, then ignoring) my birthday and not actually exchanging even the smallest form of communication with me until late May.

Some things will never be straightned out—I only regret that I never told him the real things I'm mad at him about now. It's not the lack of caring, the cruel treatment of my mother or the redheaded midget slut; it's the fact that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to straighten relationships out with any of the men in my life. Dave lying to me and cheating I can get over—I was 17 and we were together six months, and he actually was sorry, tried to make it up to me. I'm not so sure about my father's lies, and I'm not sure I will ever be able to let go of the feeling tugging at the back of my mind that no matter how good things might seem, he could lie, cheat and leave. (On the positive side, I did manage a relatively safe and happy relationship, and spent a tad bit less time hating the entire male race.) I'm calling that one a draw.

Moving on...

Straighten out academic and career-related affairs Actually, I sort of did do this. I declared a major (English), picked two minors (History and Psychology), juggled two internships (non-profit PR and publishing), and spent a semester studying English in England. No, I'm still not sure what exactly I want to do, but I suppose that'll depend on what (if) jobs exist in a year and a half. Anyway, I'm majoring (and minoring) in bullshit, so I figure I'm well-qualified to do just about nothing. Ahh, waitressing will be fun with an expensive degree on my wall.

Learn how to cook Well. I've come to terms with the fact that I am not very creative when it comes to cooking, and furthermore, am uninspired when I'm the only one eating the food, especially when the nearest grocery store is about as big as my bedroom and a twenty minute walk. My meal masterpieces are still pretty much limited to pasta, the occassional chicken and the salsa/rice/taco-y thing I found on the back of the Minute Rice box and fudged around with a bit. Eh, well.

Go to the gym For the first few days of 2002, I managed to spend a solid 30 minutes at least on the elliptical trainer thingy in the basement of my building. After a few weeks though, I started dating a guy who lived on the third floor, and the fear of getting stuck in an elevator while drenched in my post-workout sweat with a quasi-boyfriend-person seemed like a good enough justification for not using the equipment in the basement. And then the real campus gym was under all sorts of construction, and I didn't really have a lot of money to shell out for a decent facility anyway, and well, ok, I failed at this one. Miserably. I did do a lot of walking anyway.

Study I like the wording of this resolution. As a student, I am sort of obliged to fulfill it, even if I didn't do a whole lot of studying. Note that it doesn't say "Study More" or "Study X Hours" or "Get X GPA" or "Read Every Word in Every Book. Every Class." So yeah, I studied. Kinda. My grades didn't suffer terribly and there's actually a chance that I'll pull a 4.0 for my semster abroad (although the fact that those grades are 75% dependent on papers I haven't really started writing and need to complete by January 13 sort of makes that seem a tad bit unlikely. But last minute bullshit is my specialty.)

Anyway, here's to 2003—may it be boring and full of fuzzy memories that will not leave me in therapy for years to come.

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Replies: 1

Posted by $0.01 @ 01/24/2003 02:47 AM EST