It's enough of a distant memory now, so I can laugh about it. Actually, I can't even remember it all that clearly, so tramatic was that week. But it was real.

Early in the summer, we had noticed that our apartment had a tendancy to heat up. Even when it was relatively reasonable outside, it had a unique ability to bake your body. I purchased a large fan that, coupled with my smaller fan, I thought would do the job. It didn't quite work.

I bought a bigger, sturdier, metal fan from WalMart. A thirty-five dollar fan. I thought that it would do the trick. It did—sort of.

Then came the week from hell. No, actually to put it more accurately, the week that was hell. Hell may have actually been cooler—I'm not sure they battle that sort of humidity down there.

On Wednesday, we had a half day at work. At 12 pm, I was sort of obligated to leave the nice, cool, air-conditioned office and step out into the boiling streets. Ok, I figured. That's fine. Nice to have an afternoon off.

Now, I do have to walk a teensy bit of a distance between work and my door, but mind you, it's nothing extreme, and I certainly don't run the distance on a hot, hot, hot day. But by the time I arrived home, I was dripping with sweat. I was red in the face. I looked much, much more out of shape than I really am, I swear.

I took a cold shower, thinking it would make me feel better. I propped my giant WalMart fan in the window, sat in front and ate a popsicle.

I didn't move for hours, except to make trips to the bathroom for another cold shower, or to the kitchen, for another popsicle. When my sister finally returned from work, I announced we were heading to the grocery store around the block. Or the movies. I gave her my options. She said she'd only go to the movies if I paid for her ticket. So I did (despite the fact that she actually gets payment for her job and I, sadly, do not).

After two and a half hours in a darkened, cold theater, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could face the night. Afterall, when the sun sets, the temperature goes down, does it not? No, no, it does not. Not when the humidity remains ridiculously hot and all you can do is sit in front of your fan in front of the window, which is also, incidentally in front of the tv, where all they talk about is the weather. Except there, they say things like "Maybe Friday night you'll be able to open your windows again, but for now, turn up that AC because there's no relief in sight."

Well, that's just lovely and all, if you have an air conditioner, but for those of us poor saps who thought they'd save on their electric bill, this is not an option. Nothing is an option except more cold showers.

I went to bed in a fit of sweat. I woke up, hotter than before. Why, when a mere forty miles away central air, a pool and the sweet, sweet ocean breezes awaited me did I remain in the city? This my friends, I cannot explain to you.

The following twenty-four hours passed by in something of a haze of cold showers, popsicles and ice cubes applied liberally to the body. My friend Erin supposedly had an air-conditioner. Supposedly, this would make our Fourth of July celebrating much more comfortable. Supposedly, however, is not good enough.

The AC did not work. Her refridgerator even stopped working at one point, causing us to tromp over to the 7-11 for ice which melted all too quickly. The day was long, unbearable and I think I almost died a couple of times.

Sometime after the fireworks had ended but the heat wave had not yet broken, we found ourselves sprawled out on the lawn in front of the apartment building, desperately waiting for any sort of breeze. Frantic phone calls to friends with air conditioning turned up no leads. Another hot and sweaty night without any sort of sexual gratification was in store for all of us. Very disappointing.

Happily, that weekend, I joined the sweet, sweet world of freon-controlled living and plunked down $150 for an air conditioner from Best Buy. This, I'm sure, will gaurantee the mercury will never rise above 70 for the rest of the summer, this negating the entire need for an air conditioner, but I don't care. I like to think of it as buying peace of mind and a good night's sleep all the same.

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