There are so many voids today.
Gaping hole in the New York skyline. Skeletal remains of the Pentagon. All the families, I can't even imagine. And then there's this feeling that I think is in everyone, that I can't quite put my finger on or explain — a mix of shock, disbelief, horror and greif.
I can count my blessings today: the aunt, whose flight left Boston sometime shortly after eight a.m. yesterday landed in Buffalo, safe, and ok. The cousin who works in the Pentagon had to go somewhere else on business yesterday. The friend I didn't even know was in the Pentagon is, in fact, ok. The sister who was supposed to be heading to Germany is saftely in the country.
Except that term, safetly, seems so questionable. I can't help but jump everytime I hear a siren. We jump for the phone when it rings and I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. Bad things happen in three's, this stupid supersticious voice says to me.
I know I am lucky. My family is safe, my friends are ok, and I don't think I knew anyone who died yesterday. But there's still this huge void, where I just keep thinking how things can't really be the same again. I don't want to fly, I don't want to be in a big building. I don't know what to think.
I went over to the newspaper offices at school after I got in touch with my mom. I don't think I'd really gotten a good sense of how completely horrific everything was until I got there, started watching the phone calls and furious typing, and how there was just this horrible tension, and nobody ever thought they'd be writing stories like this.
"We write stories about dining. On a good day, someone gets fired."
The horrible replays were going endlessly on the tv. Those pictures are indelibly printed on everybody's minds now I think. The second plane crashing, one tower crumples, then another — and it doesn't seem at all real. It can't be. I don't know how you're supposed to react to that.
I tell myself I'll give blood, and that'll be something. Except I feel like for the most part, this is all so far beyond anything I can control, and things are so changed, and I can't find the words to explain things, but my prayers and thoughts are with the victims and their families.
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Replies: 1
yeah. i never thought i'd be alive to see something like this; let alone live on television 5 minutes after i wake up after a beautiful peaceful sleep. rather metatextual i think.
Posted by todd @ 09/12/2001 03:33 PM EST