Growing up a doctor's kid, I don't think I ever realized how good I had it. No, I don't mean the income level I'll likely never achieve in this lifetime (certainly not on current career track, at least). I am talking about something much more important: the drugs.

Not just the drugs, but really, the access to medical care. The ability to say, "Ouch, my ear hurts" and within hours, have that kind of painful light thing stuck in my ear, some kind of diagnosis and prescription drugs to make it go away. Yes, we had a pediatrician for the more serious things, or for when my dad wasn't around to fix it, or for required things, like booster shots. But for other things, like cough syrup with codeine or Zyrtec (for free!), the medicine closet was awesome.

I no longer have that kind of access.

I really need to make some doctor friends. The closest I have right now is in someone taking post-bac classes so she can apply to med school... So, a few years from now, maybe, I'll be set. But for now, my ear hurts. And nobody is here to tell me exactly what to do about it.

(Having a doctor for a dad was not always so great, I should add. He occasionally would say totally unhelpful things like, "It looks like potatoes are growing in there!" while looking at my ears. That was his way of saying it was fine and I should stop whining. )

I know, I know, I should probably see a real doctor, but the stupid thing is I don't have a real doctor. It's one of those aspects of being a grown-up that has sort of eluded me. Or I've just ignored, because since college, I haven't been faced with any major medical issues and haven't bothered to find a primary care physician to bug with my problems. I'm not totally irresponsible with my health: I get my yearly exams and even go to the dentist twice a year. But the one time I was sure I had strep throat and needed antibiotics, I just went to the somewhat sketchy-looking rapid care clinic in my neighborhood. It took less than half an hour and I had a prescription in hand. They took my insurance and later, they sent me a bill, for $2.

I would totally hit this option up again, but a few things make me pause. First, the last time I sought medical attention for an ear infection, the super-mean and incredibly evil doctor at Student Health snapped, "I see you've been in here a lot in the last few weeks. This ear infection isn't going away on antibiotics, so I'm not giving you any more." That was that. She had no alternative cures, no other ideas, just "No drugs for you!" and I was done. I don't think I went back to student health after that, but that was pretty much the end of the year anyway. (It took a few weeks, but eventually, it stopped feeling like some awful sticky liquid was inside my head every time I swallowed. Still, I Googled the subject a lot and I know it's weird to fantasize about minor surgical procedures that involve getting plastic tubes stuck in your ears, but I am convinced they would provide sweet, sweet ventilation.)

The second reason I fear quickie medical care from neighborhood doctors stems from the fact that earlier this winter, when Jesse came down with a fever, body aches, and general misery for a few days, the doctor at the office down the street took all of 30 seconds to diagnose him with whooping cough despite the fact that Jesse barely even had any kind of cough at all and that's actually a kind of serious illness that requires you alerting, like, public health officials or something. (Now, several whoop-free months later, it seems safe to say that was not an accurate clinical diagnosis.)

The issue really is that when I don't have an immediate health issue on my hands, it does not occur to me to find a regular doctor to call my own. (I suppose I would forge this relationship by scheduling a physical? I haven't had one of those in years, but I never really understood the point.) And when I do have an illness, it seems like it's too late to call a doctor I don't know about coming in that day. And also, too much effort to find such a doctor.

So, here I am, my ear aching and no real plans in mind for dealing with it. It turned out OK in the end last time, so I have faith it'll work itself out this time. And some time, soon, I will find a doctor.