First wedding anxiety dream

Last night, I dreamed I got married in my pajamas and bathrobe. And immediately after the ceremony, I was like "Crap, I bought a dress for this occasion, didn't I? How could I forget that? Do you think we can tell everyone to reconvene the party in a bit, once I've had a chance to change?"

I also had a dream the other night that I was Cameron Diaz, and I was driving a car from the backseat, and as a result, had poor control over the steering and drove over some lady's lawn. She got very angry and stalked me for many miles before revealing herself to be the devil. I woke up whimpering "Help me! Help me!"

The driving a car from the backseat is a dream I've had more than once, and I think there are some pretty obvious themes one can draw about feeling slightly out of control. The rest of it? No idea. I should probably stop eating things just before bed, though.

I was going to post something else, but this was apparently in my clipboard.

A conversation between my sister and my nephew:

DJ: "Eeew, Molly pooped! Stinky diaper!"

Liz: "No, Molly just peed, she's not stinky."

DJ: "Molly has a penis!"

Liz: "Nooo, Molly doesn't have a penis, she's a girl! Girls don't have penisis."

DJ: "Aunt Caroline has a penis! Yeah, Aunt Caroline has a penis." (followed by vigorous nodding "mmhhhmm" on his end)

Liz "What? Nooo! Aunt Caroline doesn't have a penis! She's a girl too!"

DJ: "Aunt Caroline has a penis. Aunt Caroline said bye-bye on the choo-choo. Yeah, bye-bye, choo-choo."

I guess I should be flattered, I am in his thoughts.

Are you there, Internet? It's me, Caroline.

Oh, hey there, Internet. How's it going? Oh, yeah, I guess it has been a while, hasn't it?

Sooo... I've contemplated writing a number of things here and then mostly forgotten, or gotten lazy, or thought better of it. Sometimes, when someone takes a long leave of absence from the Internet, I wonder things like "Did something terrible happen she doesn't want to talk about? What sad fate befell her? Is she broke? Homeless? ...Dead?" Maybe I'm just pessimistic about other people's fates.

None of those things have happened to me: I am not befallen of any sad fates, no more broke than I have been, still housed and, yes, alive. I'd say I've been busy, which is kind of true -- since we last met, I've been making wedding plans and getting a new job and other such stuff but mostly, I have just kind of not really felt like posting much here. (Looking over the sadly outdated little list of links on the side there, it seems like a lot of the blogs I used to read also feel similarly.) I sometimes feel as though I missed the last few years of the Internet. I used to be such a good early adopter (I was on Facebook back when it was The Facebook and nobody pretended it was anything more than an ivory tower version of Friendster. Actually, that's how it was described to me by whoever first invited me "It's like Friendster for the Ivy League!" And I wondered what the point was, but I signed up anyway.) But these days, I find myself mostly confused and bored by a lot of it. Maybe I'm just getting old. (side note: I just published, edited, and republished this entry like three times trying to get the parenthesis in that last paragraph right. I am losing my touch.)

Anyway. Things are good. I like my new job. I love the organization for which I now work. (I always feel guilty saying this, like I'm cheating on my old organization, and feel the need to say things like "Not that they're not a great cause; but this just is something I feel more strongly about." Which only makes it sound more like a break-up.) The wedding planning is going well, and I've been thoroughly enjoying making frequent trips to visit my niece and nephew in MA. I think my friends sometimes must get bored of hearing me wax poetic about how brilliant my nephew is, but oh well. I do happen to think he's particularly smart and kind, and few things can make you feel as good about the world as a hug from a caring toddler.

...and now I'm rambling. Or I have been all along, when really, I should be in bed. (Why is it months of silence go by and I feel compelled to update this thing sometime after midnight when I have work in the morning?) What I meant to say is, Hi. I'm alive and well, just quiet.

Dear Molly Elizabeth,

Welcome to the world!

You should know that I am so thrilled that not only do I have the most adorable nephew in the world, but I now also have the most adorable niece. I hope you will let me buy you frilly girly things, and that you will be good for your mommy, and play nicely with your brother.

I am so excited to meet you. Happy Birthday, Molly!

Love,

Aunt Caroline

Eeee!

So this is a late announcement, but I wanted to make sure I'd told all the right people before posting this to the Internets and the World (and then I also got a little lazy about posting) and so by now, the few remaining readers of my site have already probably heard this but anyway:

Not quite six years ago, the Patriots emerged victorious in the "Snow Bowl" against the Raiders, the DP held its annual banquet to induct the new board of editors, and I met my future husband. I did not know it at the time, obviously, and there's been a lot that's happened since (graduations, break-ups, a few different shades of hair color) but as it turns out, when I decided "What the heck, why not?" that fateful night, I made a very good choice.

So yes: We're getting married! (Eeee!)

Streaky

I've noticed I'll get in these moods where I'm like, "You know, I should really write more. I'm going to make it a point to make sure I spend at least 10 minutes writing something, anything, before I go to bed each night."

And that sounds all good and well, but then the part of my brain that can't commit to simple projects starts firing off other ideas. "You should also start going to the gym every day. If you just made it a part of your morning routine, you wouldn't miss that little bit of sleep and think how healthy you'd be!"

From there, it spirals out of control.

"Speaking of healthy, you should really start eating more vegetables. At least five servings of fruit and veggies a day. And making your food at home! That would be healthy and save money."

Then I feel compelled to start thinking about other things, like how I should really vacuum more than once a season, and how it really isn't a very wise to just always drop off my laundry at the laundromat and buy my coffee at the deli, even if it is only 80 cents a cup, I should really just start making it at home. Or not drinking it at all. Yeah, no more coffee! No soda, either! I should shop at the farmer's market, too, with reusable bags I brought from home. But there really isn't a farmer's market in our neighborhood and I really hate having to schlep all those groceries home from Union Square or whatever. Maybe I should find a new apartment, one that isn't small but somehow, costs less. Ugh, I will never be able to afford home ownership. Or even a dog. Hmm, I want a dog. If I got a dog, it could be super awesome, and I could write a book about it and how it was awesome and eventually dies in a heartbreaking way, and it will become a MEGA bestseller because everyone loves a good dog story. Yes, I'll write that.

But then I start thinking about how much I have to do and how totally exhausting it all will be and instead I play another game of Spider Solitaire.

Game 4

I never would have imagined I'd be actively rooting for the Red Sox to not win the World Series, but tonight, I have to confess, I kind of am.

No, living in New York (and with a Yankee fan) has not dulled my enthusiasm for the Sox. (Well, OK, perhaps I feel a little less fervent about them than I did on '04, but it's not because all the Yankees have gotten to me. It's because the Red Sox have managed to become a seriously annoying team. I mean, not only can you pay for citizenship in "Red Sox Nation" but they now have a president. Also, there's that unspeakably bad Jimmy Fallon movie.)

Tonight, I have a much more selfish reason for hoping they'll let this one go: money.

Last week, when Jesse decided to go to Colorado to see Game 3, visit some friends and his aunt and uncle, I decided against joining him, since my wallet couldn't really justify the trip and I had some other obligations (work event, birthday party) I couldn't really back out of. But I did agree to help him get tickets when the Rockies put them on their website.

Like eight million other would-be buyers, I failed on Monday, but managed to sneak through on Tuesday afternoon. Except, not for Saturday night's game, as planned, but for Monday night's possible Game 5. As I entered my credit card info, I hesitated briefly, but figured even if Jesse could not use the tickets, we could sell them for some profit. And that turned out to be exactly what happened: Jesse's travel plans were not flexible, but the tickets went for more than twice what I paid when we posted them on StubHub.

I started to get excited thinking about what I'd do with the $700ish in profit I'd be getting -- it would more than cover the Spice Girls tickets I was a bit too eager to buy (um, anyone interested in going to the Feb. 10th show in Newark?) and there'd be some extra for an ipod to replace the one that was so cruelly stolen (along with my wallet) last month.

But all that is for naught if there is no Game 5, which is looking less and less likely as the innings progress.

So, I know this is really selfish, but I don't care. New England fan arrogance has gotten to me and I am more than confident the Sox will win the World Series. (Also, the Pats will be undefeated until next pre-season, and Jonathan Papelbon and Tom Brady can Riverdance together on Comm Ave. Whatever.) So I'm not rooting for them to lose it all. Just one game.

(And, yes, I know by posting this, I am totally tempting fate. But if this entry goes on to spur another amazingly heartbreaking 86-year losing streak, well, it's kind of awesome that I'd have that sort of power, don't you think?)